Out Even Further Now

The process of becoming something within this world is innate.  A natural push to exist. A mixture of what has already been, what is coming and who you are through it.

It is a way we twist and turn into the experiences of life and come out as something else. Transformed by time and effort.  The process of human development.

This ancient way of existence that has control of things. It pushes and prods us to get through. It can often be a painful process. Learning where to go and what to do. How to follow the natural flow towards becoming free.

Free to express and free to exist in a way that is beneficial to ourselves and the world. To a way that is fulfilling. If we’re lucky.

The voice is a gift in this creation of development. A real marvel. Something  simply amazing to possess. Mostly things happen to people that takes their voice.

The voice often abused and reworked. Tricked and hijacked. The movement towards freedom of expression thwarted at every turn. A real fight to survive.

People are forced to change the way they express themselves. From very early. The truth they are experiencing. There is pressure to instead say the same things and speak in the same way. We mimic each other. We teach it that way trying to survive and be a part of the whole.  It is a fight to say things that are true and enlightening. Honest and needed.

We know life is fraught with challenges.  It pushes back on you and says no. It takes courage and conviction to keep pushing, to keep growing and becoming.  Something we all know but need to hear again and again. Grow, go on, grow – take flight.

The push back of not yet is a real thing. A process to wrestle with.

Life on earth seems to have a natural tendency towards things. A coming alive after dormancy.

The process creates a new person to look out into the future and see anew.

The growing out of a glandular stage to the light of the day that permeates the places where you were stuck or confused in the dark wrestling with what was  and what is coming.

The loops felt like a clear, consistent and  connected conversation of different parts working together. Lineages and generations teaching of the relationship with the self.   A string of ancestors and guides that created the cocoon.

I called it OutEvenFurtherNow because it appeared to me almost like an index finger pointing forward to a next movement.  A next step in life.

The teaching of the self, both individual and collective, as part past, part future and in the moment of awakening to something new. A new way of thinking and speaking. A way of being in the world.  It felt like the finger was pushing in on the blue of the lotus assisting with its blooming.

It spoke of arrested development and of voice working through the dilemmas.

The green square that has appeared often in my work, many times before really taking notice to it,  is teaching of a field of creation we all have access to.  We look forward into.  A butterfly of transformation with a  smile in happy anticipation.

The yellow brought joy to my eyes. The essence of it very alive.

There are some darker smudges on this painting, where green and blue mixed with the yellow. I felt the work of it being like mud of ignorance and struggle.

The mud being the reasons for these kinds of transformations. The very things that cause and sometimes force the desire and movement. The crisis of development.

We do it together, we do it alone and we do it with the interdependence of action. Movement that is necessary.

May we all keep learning how to grow here together.


Reformed Mother

I can’t help but see a woman with cat eyeglasses walking down the halls of eternity.

The painting started as a large woman in a red dress, her hair covered by a long red veil. You can no longer see any of that.  She felt like a mother superior kind of archetype.

This large looming figure was pulling a tree out of the ground that had been growing in the dark of the past.  An old world of punishment and criticism.

She lifted it and  moved it forward into the sun. I could see her twirling even if my paint hadn’t captured it.

After that scene I had mixed all the colors together creating the background of how it appears now.

Earlier in the day I saw in my mind images of  gold and crimson triangles floating together. It felt like salvation and endearing love entering the bloodstream.  It felt relieving to put it on the canvas. The gold of healing energy moving through this great mother.  I was happy to paint it and felt comfortable with its reality.  The known work to bring the best out of a situation.

The work of the past mingled with the energy of a new day and what it can do. What it sees. What it won’t stand for and what it can take no more of. Ripping the roots right out of the land of the past and raising it up to the sun. The source of nurturing guidance. A new way to interact with this world. The healing of the great mother in the psyche.

Putting color in  the triangles each one felt like a different personality. A continued expression of individuality in a state of togetherness. A feel of ancientness in continued effort.

There is a feel in this painting to me of the mother figure almost losing her balance as she takes a step – there are so many windows into the soul.  The weight of it hard to walk with but she does. The endearing love of a great mother.

Some of the windows are dirty though and rough around the edges. The blood has poured so much for them. The wars and the tattered clothes. The way of laypeople and their challenges in this world.

Pulling the tree out of the dark and moving it to the sun she wants to let the beautiful blue of the new sky show the way – recognizing the great power of the Holy Mother.

The way children born of her can let the sun shine on the poorest of us and the suffering. Her children that rule the day with their back breaking labor of the past. A great mother finds a way to nurture and guide her children where to find the best of themselves and how to walk in this world as hers.



Deliberate Counsel

Everyday saints and Bodhisattvas are among us. They live and breathe around us. They are known by many for their good works. Can be counted on to pull through in miraculous ways. Seeing and living in inspiration.

Luckily the world is filled with living examples of people doing amazing things. Bringing answers and energy with great momentum.

People inspire each other. We connect and move beyond competition of survival and move into a state of service. We are reservoirs of great care and compassion for people and this planet. We can look and see and feel inspired by the miraculous things that occur in everyday actions.

The strong soul stuff that pushes forward and connects with others in a way that plants seeds for a deeper humanity.  Plants new memories of someone that cares and knows. A way that is constantly working to rise up and move step by step to the victory won every day.

This painting has golden swirls symbolic of great guides connecting and mingling together – watching over us. Participating in the bringing about of a new day with a creative evolution of ideas and potential. It’s what we do. Great protectors of right now streaming through minds and hearts and moving our feet and hands to find solutions to problems.

The admission of great powers within us bringing together our voices and strength in action towards a better day.

The blue of this painting with its soothing ability like clear skies and water. The blue often signifying the throat and the voice. The red of the painting feeling like a ledge from here to there.

If you turn this painting to the right it appears to look like a caterpillar going up stairs. His yellow mind of joy as he bobbles around finding his way.  Falling from his feet at every step is a seed that grows into a beautiful fruit dropping where ever he walks.

Thankfully this exists all over the planet.  In celebration of all beings seen and unseen that look out over the world and care about the greater work we all do together. The power to keep going is all around us.


The Dirty Muse

A soul landing!

Into the realm of new realities. An expression of exuberance. A flight into the great void of long journeyed lovers come from far away.

There was a launch from the past into the future, back and thru. West to east and a firm handshake of forgetfulness.

A great flight north blindly following an inspiration for humanity.

A strange concoction of emotions and thoughts that brought me out of myself, finally, again. Into everything all at once.

A revelation into the portals of change and coalesced beautification of a soul glowing with pontification. That and the desire for something real and present. Something new and full of actualized potential. Zang goes the meeting house.

We had wisdom flying all around us. His voice and dedication felt real.  Full of answers and solutions that lead to the greater heights of connection of all people. Deepened knowledge of what we were up against, what to do, and what it would take to keep going.

When we meet people we have the ability to combine efforts into far off directions. In that capacity for impact – is written what happens.

Taking up the task of sacrificing those efforts to the greater good of humanity grants the world a look inside your life and takes from it the very best you can offer with trouble accepting less.

A knowing is enlivened to a sense of already knowing what has been, what is now and what is to come. A wisdom of knowledge opened and contained in a space and yet somehow sent out as well.

A dance in the moment of exactly now.

A dance out of a limited way of understanding the self.

An electric dance of now!

Changes to the mind and heart. Ways of weakness in the race for greatness are transfigured to a strength.  Forgiveness and healing ensues. Justice prevails. I had met someone gifted in the ways of freedom.

Our capacities of functioning are beyond this mundane world. What we can do and know are limited until they aren’t.  Ways of living in harmony with the depth that humans have to know and to impact. The way that a soul can be set free from the body in times of rapturous connection to greet the great night of everything that is happening and find out in the deep unconscious what needs to be done. A wake up call to greater potential of sacrifice.

After a night of such an opening I raced home to paint. The bottom left of the painting came through with ease in my hand. When I say that, I mean just a simple movement of the wrist felt ecstatic. To let the hand be guided by intelligence and knowing beyond the conscious control. My hand felt liberated  enjoyment of expression. It was highly pleased with where it found itself.

The movement was simple and fast creating a kind of filing cabinet and also a kind of skyscraper in a strange land.  A heavenly place of knowledge and what felt like the only thing that is lasting and real, the recordings of soul activity.

There was a strong and matter of fact movement to paint the very cloaked, held back and hidden language of symbols. Hidden still in what I painted, seeming to represent a brick wall and a secret language that has shown itself in other paintings with equaled feelings of importance to me.   It felt like ancient codes of remembrance and change. It was the library of karma in action.

The Nefertiti like winged woman with her elegant flight home feeding herself and others from the berries she carries around her own neck. Lifetimes of knowledge and wisdom dripping from her ancient outstretched structure. The tall golden skull, it was almost too difficult to paint in any other way than how it came out despite feeling its disappointment in lack of skill regarding such importance of what went on in that heightened dome. The feeling was of remembering I am a child to such a thing. The lines felt like they were representing stairways that go in both directions like electric currents. And also like many canoes that have come and gone crossing each others paths as they go.

An apartment as a purple box and learning that something and hidden can mean something simple and profound.

Visitations by great joyous muses of freedom and liberation brought me into the realm of shared existence and showed me still deeper the dirtied world of heartache and existential angst, willing to go into the thick and gooey disheveling of a soul and pull from it a journey.

Right there with me was a great dome of wisdom reaching the heavens and putting it’s knowledge to work in his feet.  A muse that cleans up the space and mind muddled by confusion and despair of this world. A great opening into truth of shared paths brought about by shared space and time.

There’s so much more to say and so much more to do.

Great capacities are found in the human mechanisms of connection with a furry of energies flying through the filing cabinets of our souls and breaking through to a new day.

We are powerful and we are here. May we enact the highest of our abilities and faculties to bring the best of humanity forward. Change is made every day by great powers seen and unseen. May we all learn how we truly work together and make it harmonious and healed the best that we can.

Existence At Once

There was so much happening in 2020. The great pause pandemic and the Black Lives Matter movement. A push forward with a mighty force to continue shining light onto the reality of  racism and hate in this country and in this world.  It was the year I learned just how sensitive I was to direct real time messaging regarding the world and the collective power.

Before George Floyd was killed I was overcome by a knowing that something was going to change the societal landscape and conversation regarding racism.   An uprising of black and brown skinned people to take back more power and control over the equity and safety of their lives. I was made aware of its importance and could feel the uprising that was coming.

Meditation, Buddhism, yoga and the work of liberation from the hands of illusion, as I practiced it, kept me in a space of observing often. Feeling the vibrations in the air. Being with it. The information that is formed in space and time and moves about freely.

The information came through in voices from another place. A warning of what was coming. A poetic whisper of the coming work of justice seekers and a teaching of the restraint despite the crimes that brought about the need for justice. The horrific nightmare of hatred and of people restoring their faith together. After George Floyd was murdered  I felt the energy of the movement.

Work in the world for me always included a knowing of deep unconscious things in the dark.  I wanted the conversation to expand and I wanted to  become the version of myself that offered me up to it. Joined in the fight for freedom in the shadows of innocence lost and deep sorrow of injustices done.

The incredible nature of people in charge to do terrible things and get away with it. The power of protest the very thing we have in our capacity to stand up when needed.

The feeling of being outside of something I wanted to be in had me put a canvas on the easel to work through it. My feet were struggling to go hit the streets and I needed to get there. The calling taking every bit of my attention.

To understand more deeply what I was feeling that was overtaking me I got quiet and waited. An alligator came to mind. A great image of the bumps on the back of the alligator passing before me. The ancient animal of aggressive emotions and power. I compulsively painted the bumps I saw on its back and kept going following every instinct without stop for a number of hours.

Painting red, blue and gold over and over and feeling the emotions through of being held captive by these instincts of revolution while locked in a room. The energy of the world that gets moved around and shared. A very real felt sense of everything at once and forming a direct conversation with the willing.

The lower left began to feel like portals to former and younger versions of myself that had gained perspective and momentum looking ahead at what I knew was coming. A sense of me personally and individually but also the collective itself. It felt like the story of my own development, the development of all humans on their life journeys and also the universal and collective development as a whole.

The upper right feeling like the elder version of myself in the future as an old woman that had offered all she could. And right through the middle, the present, emerging and moving through the portals of transformation to sound the great OM of the conscious self and the unconscious self. Moving as one with past and future in the collective movement towards greater awareness of ourselves.

The symbol was teaching me of itself. The natural ability of the human to learn what they ask to learn about – how to be of service?

The OM symbol came through the painting at me before I painted it. Looking into the portal I saw it emerge from the painting. A great OM from the depths, calling for the reality of understanding our lives together in the unconscious state,  as the waking state and the veil of illusion under the transcendental state.

I had been aware of the symbol for a long time. Chanting it and contemplating its meaning. Understanding the totality of it. But painting it that day it came through and spoke to me of the depths of its meaning to the best that I could understand in that moment. Feeling the collective that is constantly awakening and transforming itself. Shedding the veil between the past and future that would come without movement to change – creating the speed of movement by  everything right now all the time.

That top right flame representing the transcendental state was filled with information of the veiled work of the collective to change itself.  Burning away the veil of mystery. It felt like the BLM movement itself in the transcended symbol as I painted it. The transcendental reality of transformation of the collective unconscious. So complicated to explain but it’s what is happening all the time.

The burning away of what was to reveal what will be. The bringing about of a new era where people would be even more aware of the things in the deep. The continued movement of people to be free and safe here together.  The unconscious instincts of man that play a role in the deep control of fellow human beings in this veiled reality. The deep hatred of humans that still linger in the dark.

BLM, like any movement with protests to assist in ending suffering, is a collective tool to allow the awakening to the many lives that are haunted by and left to deal with racist underpinnings in control.

Our fellow humans on this planet with black and brown skin suffer constantly at the hands of racists. It was very necessary for the rise of BLM to occur and for race talks to continue where they had stopped or where the public was still not even aware of the issue. Racism is very real. I have met many racist people. I’m sure we all have. All the things that were said during the surge in voices by BLM were necessary and still only a blip of lifting the veil to its reality.

The lineages of people still grappling with this worlds continued ignorance of suffering is what calls out for justice. There is no rest for these great works and it takes people to power them. This is what we are made of. The energy to keep it moving.

May we be at peace and find justice for the many ways that humans are still asleep to their ways that harm others.  Not only due to the color of their skin but by their social and economic situations, religious beliefs, sexual preferences, even they way they dress or enjoy life.

My eyes were opened further during that time. Opened to the needed amount of energy to regain and maintain and continue on even more diligently for my fellow man.

The immeasurable damage done by white supremacy and patriarchy, by hunger for power and greed. By ignorance of more true and deeply sacred ways of being human. The scars and wounds on the unconscious mind of the collective don’t quiet until heard and healed.

It was an amazing time to witness the many conversations that were forced to play out.  I pray for strength of people to continue the good fight and not rest until we are all free from the gross negligence of society.

I write this in an effort to put words to things that are challenging to. Things that people experience and often have to remain silent about without a proper container for the experience of being human.


I See It Now

Knowing there is something here and still coming. A continuous unfolding of right now and not yet.  The wait and see.

Wait with the moment. Give it space to swirl open and reveal itself. An energy that speaks a subtle language.

A feeling of it wanting to be known and waiting for its acceptance. Intense wisdom of the ages that we have access to. The very source of the energy that unfolds and reveals itself freely. The mystery.

The inspiration to continue moving to even more liberated states of knowledge and wisdom. The way to be together. This is an ancient passage way.

There are subtle vibrations that course through us. This wild magic mystery of things that seems to whisper. That knows. There is confidence and trust that it is very real and directs an individual experience within the collective and is seeking to bring individuals together in new ways.

This mystery has interest in the affairs of life and makes movements and choices. A tremendous speed. The movement of answers. Of what to do next. Of what comes next. Right now.

The collective course of action to achieve liberation for all people. The shared result of existence. The journey of humanity going through time and events that unravel the illusion of a separate self. I may play a small part, but we have tremendous abilities.

This story playing out of all these great lovers of humanity coming together, going through a process of merging, integrating, waiting and becoming something else.

This painting tells of a process.  Cloaked figures and the changing of time and the development of life. A Mother Mary figure, portals and figures telling of salvation, growth and transfiguration. Peace on the mountains and in the valleys. Great energies available to all people that inspire and invoke guidance and wisdom looking out and engaging with needed insight.

There are seeds sown and movement by grace. A felt sense of revelation and completion. The dark blue around the figure feeling like the earth itself. The yellow around the figures felt like living in the sun of the new day that is always coming. The what comes next

This painting felt like the continued development of inner freedom. Things we all know deeply and are connected to despite our seemingly separate experiences. This is our ingrained desire to live in liberation and recognize it in each other.